recently

this few days i had both feeling in my heart~happy and sad...when i see my dear of cause is happy, but then when i leave him i will suddenly sad feel~~last sat i had a show at ampang, i really hope that he can come support me, but i know he is busy, he cant make it...so i dont ask for it~that day i make up so beautiful, i hope he can see it, thats why i call him immediately right after i reach pitstop because i want to meet him as soon as possible~~but when i call him he said he havnt bath, it is 11 something already,so late still dont want bath~he dono i will find him after show meh? why he always like this?haiz~~anyway, when i see him i cant show my angry, i only can show my happy face to him~because i know he will unhappy when saw my angry face~he will say i dont think for him......

before that, the friday, actually i hope that i can go his house to stay overnight, after practice dance i call him but he dint answer my call, so i just go back my house~after i finish bath only i saw he call me~~he say he care for me and he driving to pitstop to find me~i want meet him, but he seems lazy or any else reason made me feel that he wont willing to come my house and fetch me home on another morning...i think he would like me drive to his house myself then i can drive back myself so he need not wake up so early to fetch me back~or else i better stay at my own home alone~~so i just prefer to stay at home~i rather hurt myself than putting him on a bad mood~~once i keep quiet and upset on my own~~

yet today is tuesday~wat a boring day for me~~i already stay at home for 2days...mummy was not at kl now~i though i can hang out with my dear on this week~but the truth is he had his own stuff to do~he need to accompany ah kit and give him some help~even i really hope he can accompany me, but that is his bro,so what can i said? i really dont know i need to keep my bad feeling in my heart until when~i try to be a good girlfren but then i made myself suffer~~i try to stand in his point of view to thinking for him, but then who thinking for me?if i dont speak out then who will know im really feeling unwell??but if i speak out then what would happen?did he will try to thinking for me?or blame me?but 1thing i know well is, he sure will become unhappy and moody~~

but i really feel lonely when i am alone~~~when he can understand my feeling?