secret 19

this few days i keep stick with my dear~everyday can see him is a great things for me...i try to free all the time for him~because i miss him everyday~~i try to build up a good and stable relationship between us by creating more memories everyday~

i accompany him to bring pooyee gaigai, bring pooyee see doctor, accompany him take dinner, accompany him at home~i did my responsible as a girl friend better and better~haha...i knew he care for his skin so i bought some skin care product for him~and made mask for him too...

now i hope to spend all the time for my dear~but,he need to concerntrate his work while i need to focus my study~i glad that he willing to spend more time with me because we had the same aim for the future~we need a stronger base~

these few night i spend with him, many times i knew he lost control to me already~but finally he still can control down, even i dont know who actually is the stopper, me or him. and maybe sooner or later, the thing will happen~but i not willing to make it too earlier~

every time like this, dear will said the evil and angel in his heart start fighting...actually there was a same thing happen on me~when i saw he look so suffer i would think to surrender...but he keep control that make me feel glad~dont rush dear~1 day u will get me~hahaxx...

yesterday, mummy taking lunch with me and dear~even mummy dont knew the relationship between us but, ofcause she can felt something abnormal~mummy got said she dont like me having relationship now, she say i still got many chance to choose a better man~

but mummy maybe dont know, even what she said is true, but i actually got my own opinion and own choice~all i know now is not wait and see, but is try and see...this is what call never try never know~but ofcause the person i choose is i knew he had the value to let me try 1st...

luckily, mummy is not same as others mom~she not showing that she want me to have a rich or high education partner, but she only want me to choose...she just want me to be happy and xing fu~~so dear, if u confidence can let me happy and giving 100% xingfu to me then please dont be up set~i will always stand by you~

secret 18

every day i need to meet my dear now~if that day i cant meet him then i become so moody and down~

that day cheewoon dear fetch me home by his bike, he told me i am the 1st girl he fetch using that bike~actually i also is the 1st time to ride this type of bike~hoho..^0^

i knew the situation about me and ah hui become a problem to me and also made my dear feeling unwell~i am glad that he still can calm me down and try to bring me out from that upset feeling...

i dont know what suppose i done to solve the problem between ah hui and i...i knew the fact that i dont tell him made unfair to both of them...but fortunately, my dear can understand me..

dear~i want to tell u actually i really didnt mind the lie that u say to me last time, because u know i am the bigger liar...i know i am wrong, thats why i finally tell u the truth..i actually with my ex when i start being with you, but i dont tell u...i am so bad to have 2bf at the same time...but i swear that i was really love u when i choose to be ur gf...i didnt play with anyone...i just soso selfish that i want finding the 1 i more love...these few days i really upset, but i am so glad that u are beside me and supporting me...i dont know what will happen coming next, but i comfirm, whatever happen i also wont change my mind which want to be with u forever...i love u, dear~

secret 17

dis is the pic that i saw look so similar with pooyee~~pooyee sick already~dear sent her go pets hospital already~i saw her look so pity oh~~she wish to go home but nothing we can do, we force to leave her at there....

i think today dear will bring her home lo~but i am so busy so i cant accompany dear to take her back at puchong~hope that pooyee can recover after this medical care~if not dear's wallet will "dai chut heut"....

haiz~dont know when can i meet my dear la...many assignment havnt done...i miss him...i miss he bring me and pooyee go gaigai~i miss watch movie with him at his room~i miss we stick togather and imagine our future~

i pray from deep in my heart~i want be with my dear for whole life~but dear~how much comfirm that u can give me??will i have a future that got u inside the story?will we have our own family??

dear cheewoon~really wish to see u every morning after wake up from dream~wish to wait u back home from work with delicious dishes dinner~~haha...i already imagine be ur wife liao~my love~how could i live without u？

secret 16

yesterday night, i spend whole night with my dear~this is the 1st time we slept togather...but i am not scare at all...because i trust him...we just hug togather~but i cant sleep oh, because of the contact lens...i dont dare to told him because i already can guess the result if i told~but after he ask sleep so many times, i decide to tell him also...

then, is what i predict...he dont want sleep also...haiz~my dear is so carring and lovely~he just use pc to play some song that i like~we chat for the whole night...i just felt dont wish to leave him~i dont want to go back already~i just want to stay beside him at that moment...but i knew that is impossible~

in this night, i dont know how many times he mention that girl name....every time he told the things of her is the most downest for me...even i dont like, but i will listen to him...because he say he dont like people to force him...he said he need freedom for friends...i can understand because i am also that kind of people...

tonight he bring all his past time photo to let me take a look...it is great~i can know much abt him again...then i can know he had already passing all the darker times to come out with better man now...he keep asking me is it last time more attractive, actually is not really~because for me i dont think external is the main factor that made a people attractive~for me, now he is more attractive~^^

this night, he said he owe me a kiss~then he give a gentle kiss to me...this is the 1st time he kissing me~that moment, i really feel touch~because he is the 1 who give me the 1st gentle kiss for me that just what i imagine for my 1st kiss in my life...how i hope i can get this gentle 1st kiss, but since all my ex is only like the wet kiss~haiz~but finally i gave him a wet kiss also~hahaxx..i like the moment we kissing, is just like the time had been stop running...

i love you, my dear chee woon~muakz~^*^

secret 15

i catch u!!

hahaxx~~~tonite is the night that i most happy with my dear, cheewoon~

he bring me go for dinner,but he keep drive straight along the road~

i wonder where he want to bring me to..

when i ask him then only he say i ask him just go straight along...

i got say this meh??why i don remember 1??@.@

after dinner we go back and bring pooyee gaigai~~

pooyee is sick adi~~so pity...i ask cheewoon must bring her go see dactor next week...

tonight we just bring pooyee walk around near dear's house as usual,

but we start with the different way 1st...

dont know when he suddenly hold my hand ~

and all the process is so natural...is special for me...

i remember last 2 bf start holding my hand very weird 1~

but this time, i can just hold his hand like i already had been hold before...

even actually this is the 1st time~hahaxx...

around 12am we go watch 2012 at the mines~

this is a terible scary movie...

but everything look so true....

in the cinema, i try to hold his hand...he like to play my finger...=="

then when i see some scary part then i choose to lay on his shoulder and dont watch...

then suddenly, i heard his heartbeat...is amazing~

his heartbeat is quite fast...but warm...

feeling secure when be with my dear~

when i watch this 2012, i just want to cry but i hold it...

because i dont want let he see my tears...hehe^.^

finally~after 1 week dating then only get his hand...

my last 2bf hold my hand in 1st date leh~~=.="

he is sososo stupid ~~~wakakakaka..^O^

secret 14

i think i now mostly always in a happy situation, made me become more and more lazy to write blog...everyday i chat and meet with cheewoon, laugh, happy everyday and night~~

he sing from another side in phone for me...using guitar~~and sang~~we chat in phone and at the same time we chat in msn also...he will tell me something that he dont tell me in phone, like he say i love u~

but even he always said he like me so much~but actually i had no confidence at all...especially when he talk abt that girl...i will suddenly become down...just now when he mention again, i feel

want cry~~so i stop this feeling by singing loud loud~~

this is 1st time i can felt so jealous...i know i had no this feel for last 2bf before...i just feel i almost lose my power already....why things become like this??this is not what i want...

i try to control something again....i don want to lose control~

secret 13

yesterday night cheewoon bringing me go pasar malam~before that we go take dinner 1st...i bring him go to cheras batu 11 to eat that nice pan mee i like most~luckily he say is nice taste also, because i really scared that if i intro something that he is so unlike...but i know he like the shui kao so much~~hoho^o^...

after that he bring me to sg long pasar malam. i am so familiar with this place because i like pasar malam here so much. i knew he dont like to go place where got many people but i try to bring him out because this pasar malam is quite wide and could be felt abit less people..

when we reach there, i saw a baloon that flying so high thr~that is a dolphine~so cute...but he say that was a cockrach..=.="bad bad bad...then, we go to see the dvds~i want to buy some drama, who knows the "child" bought animation...duangiao~~=="hahahaha^O^

later he fetch me to shinya home to bring something for her and then go bring pooyee gaigai again~i go into his house...i saw his sis, mom and dad...i heard he told his mother in hakka language that i am his girl friend, this is the 3rd time i heard he say this word...1st time is when he intro me to his friends, 2nd is when he tell his boss he take dinner with girl friend and to his mom is the 3rd time. but i am not remember whether he got told his sis abt this or not....haha^^

i go in his house and his room. is a simple room. 1big bed on the floor, beside is pooyee bed, a cupboard of cloth, a hanger for shirts, a guitar on its guitar stand, a massage chair with pillows and things on it, desktop on a low short small table, there are ceiling fan and air-cond as well...so~is simple...

during we taking dinner, he suddenlt tell me abt the girl who seems like him want him to tell her if he being togather with me. he say he will explain to her abt this thing...he know maybe i will felt uncomfortable but he still prefer to tell me bcos he promise me before that he will not lie on me anymore...i am glad that he do this for me...and i promise here, i will not think too much and i will cherish the time be with u...we cant expect what will happen in the future but at least we are happy in this moment....^^

tonight i just want to wait and see whether he dare to hold my hand or not...but at the end, he didnt do that...he just putting his hand on my shoulder only...wei!!!u still want waiting me to go and hold your hand meh??!!!~~(>_<)~~but i dont want to tell u this thing, bcos i want to wait, bcos u say u can know what i think, bcos u promise give me feeling secure...if u can know what in my mind, sure u will don what i want... although tonite i am damn hungry because of mummy didnt cook dinner, but i still feeling happy because i got the chance to went out with my boy friend~haha...why so happy to go out with you?why so wish to chat till midnight with you?why so wish to see you?ofcause is....

secret 12

this is the 1st time i hear some1 say i am his angel...
i never think about whether this world got angel or not...
yesterday is the 1st time he intro me to his friend as his girl friend...
felt happy and glad...
then this night he got told me many many story about all his friendz..
especially girl's friend he want tell me to make sure i got enough confident to him...
but dont know why...every girl he tell me i also not feel jealous or uncomfortable...
only the girl named jess who i saw in his friendster before...
when he talk about her, i felt got something threat me...
i had never had this felt before...because i am damn confident person...
but since he say he will not lie on me,
i choose to believe him...i dont want making him upset again...
i dont want him felt that i not enough trust him...
i am a tough person!!i can overcome all the problem!!
i will protect my dear away from other dangerous factors!!!
wakakakaka....because~
i am the angel that god release for him~~hoho...^o^
missing you~my boy~

secret 11

i fall in love again~finally~
happy and happy and happy...
passing all the misunderstanding and challenging~
we meet each other in the end of the fact...
that night he say truth to me,
i just force myself to control my exited feeling...
even i still dont know i love him or not...
but since we know that love need time to process...
most important things is we willing to work hard for our love...
this is the most simple and most special lover for me...
where ever you go or what ever you do,
i will be right here waiting for u~~muakzz~~^^

secret 10

today in already know even i choose to trust some 1 will also get lie...
i felt sad and down...
my ex wait me at outside...
but i choose to finish this post...
i sad not because he lie me..
but is because i felt hurt for this guy...
i dont know why i so "xin tong" when i heard what he say...
i dont know u like me or not...
but i like u...
so much...
and i not regret choose to trust u...
but what ur feel to me??
is it just a simple fren??
if u know i like u den can u give some respond to me??
unlimited waiting is such a hurt....

secret 9

*river flows in you*
i like this song so much~
so i learn it and practice...
i like to play it even i am not so good to play...
i play it every time i miss chee woon...
until i can play this song so well now, then only i know how much i missing him..
but today, i am upset again...
friends told me they felt that he got gf...but why i cant felt it?
my heart and brain start confuse....dont know what can i do now...
i scared...very scared...because he is the 1st that i wish to be with him for whole life...
why suddenly get the bad news from my friend?
i just want to know whether he got lie on me...
i trust him so much so much and too much...
i dont know if i know he really cheat me then what can i do...
tonight ah hui will come kl...
i lose the chance to meet cheewoon again...
but maybe is a good time for me to clear something...
but i really trust him...
i am a girl dont like marry and born baby...
but this morning i suddenly got feel want to marry him and having a baby for him...
i know i am such a fool...silly....stupid...
i dont know what will happen next...but i will choose to trust him....

secret 8

yesterday night cheewoon call me again...this time he say he is boring so want me accompany him to chat...ofcos i do...hehe^^before this i am so upset because of fail to meet him online...i just felt that if we dont meet that night he will definately forget me...but after receive his sms before sleep i become exited and happy...then once again i chat one and a half hour with him...even today we just keep arguing something but i am happy...he non-stop to making me laugh n laugh...but i still need to control my volume because cant let mummy heard i on call, quite suffer...

then tonite he go out with me again...i ask him bring me go wangsa maju with hwei wuen and xiao li...cos wuen want meet her "fren" there...in the begining i thought he will not willing to bring me cause is really too far...but how i know he didnt say anything and direct say yes to me...fuyoh~~cool man...haha...just felt happy and proud~~hohoho....cause i just told my fren if i ask him, he sure say can..fortunately i am lucky...hehe..^^

today when we took dinner, i wrongly order a mee that i not really like, then cheewoon say wan to change with me...haha...i really thought he is kidding but lastly i saw he is so serius to look at me and finally i change with him even his food already eat abit by him...but seems like he is like my mee more than his own rice...i felt happy too...this is the 1st time closer interact...shy shy~~haha....^^

after i went home, he sms me ask me tonight happy or not...i answer him every time hanging out with him i also felt happy...then i ask him back, how about him...he said he is happy too, but he scared if meet me everyday then next time didnt meet me 1 day he will cant sleep...haha...i dont know whether he say true or kidding, but i happy to heard this...i know i put down my EX-bf already and fall in love with this guy ...but...u want me wait until when???why u still dont ask something from me??just waiting n waiting n waiting....

secret 7

yesterday i go cinema with cheewoon and hwei wuen. i was exited in the begining...i am glad to go out with him again, but after the movie, after supper and after sent hwei wuen back home, he sent me home...and at the moment in his car, i felt that something abnormal happen...i felt got ice at the atmosphere...dont know why we will suddenly silence at a moment.

after i reach home i keep have the uncomfortable feel inside my heart. dont know why i start nervous...then after he sms me say he felt dont know what to chat with me when facing me, i start upset...because he can felt what i felt too....he say chat in phone would be better~i am scared...but dont know what actually i scared of...i got a feel want to cry...so i reply him say we better dont meet next time...he will thought i am kidding but i really upset...

although after that he got try to explain for me but...i really dissappointed and felt hurt....haiz~~what happen with me....i felt sad...

secret 6

today i go yaki yaki with cheewoon and my friends~i am feel happy today morning because i receive his msn msg this morning..dont know why today morning wake up just have the feel, like i will have something supprise if i online msn...then, i try to sign in..but, there have some problem there...made me need to wait for downloading the new version msn..but later when i finishing download and i sign in, i get his instant msg there...every time he leave msg here also made me happy and supprise...this is the 1st time he say miss me... ya~1st time...damn important for me as shown that he really miss me.. how sweet when i saw that...

afternoon i ask him to go yakiyaki with me at night, since shinya ask so many people to go...i wonder could i bring him along or not...because every1 knew my EX-bf try to chase me back...but finally he join us...every1 ask my relationship with him..i just told is my friend..

this night i had test his personality...he show good temper on me...even i ask him fetch this fetch that he also dint show bad temper...and i am so glad he is try to participate in our conversation... he ask me for mark of his presentation tonight, i gave him 80%...he ask where the others 20%...the other 20% is...he is not my bf...but i didnt tell him...

i am so supprise that he care my feeling so much...i wonder who he keep sms with when eating there, but i just felt that i cant be too sensitive about this because..i just a normal friend for him...but after he sent me home and back to home he call me..and he told me about he had a girl's friend who stay at sabah..this girl got health problem and no more friend...so he felt sympathy and try being her good friend, but seems like that girl already got feeling to him, because when he told her about going out with another girl, the girl act like not very happy...he say, so he want to explain her another time about he just treat her like a sister....

another things is he try to tell me about another girl who got relationship with him befor...that girl is staying kajang which he go and take his wallet there...he say she just back from thailand and bring some "ping an fu" for him but he didnt accept...he say thats because he already got many wor~~hahaxx...dont know why when he told me these stuff, i keep smiling but i dont dare to laugh out...i wonder what he try to tell me...why he need to tell me about this...keep guessing...
he promise bring me watch movie tonight...so tonight i can saw him again...now i felt i become more and more brave to face him...i dare to ask him out face to face but not via sms already...i scared i fall in love so deep now.....

Gary Barlow-forever love

Love it has so many beautiful faces
Sharing lives and sharing days

My love it had so many empty spaces
I'm sharing a memory now
I hope that's how it stays

Now I'm deep inside love and still breathing
She is holding my heart in her hand
I'm the closest I've been to believing
This could be love forever

All throughout my life the reasons I've demanded
But how can I reason with the reason I'm a man

In a minute I'm needing to hold her
In an hour I'm cold, cold as stone
When she leaves it gets harder and harder to face life alone

Now my dreams are filled with times when we're together
Guess what I need from her is forever love

secret 5

i slept over today...miss my class...
just because i sleep this morning 5.30am...
but i cant stay at home even i am already late ...
mummy sure scold one....so~
i come school but cant get in to class...
so i sit in the car and try do something...

i got many secret here...but i still consider whether i should let him step in...
here is a space i create for memory between him and me...
i want jot down all the memories and feeling at here...
i go ampang lookout point with him yesterday night...
he bring me to there...
this is 1st time i go with one guy to this place...
although he is not my bf but i didnt reject him to take dinner with him at there..
actually that place i had make promise with my EX-bf that i should go with him next time..
but finally i go with other guy...
if he know sure he will be up set...
i dont want to hurt any1...but i already make the wrong thing...
i know they are good guy...
now i pray for them, wish they will get the right person in the future...

secret 4

yesterday i went ampang lookout point with cheewoon...
i like go out with him...he can make me feel secure...
i like him...
i like him...
i like him...
i like him...
but, how about my EX-bf??
i do wrong things...i try to tell him about shinya's story..
as a guide to let him know that i was that type of girl...
i dont scared about hurt..just i dont wish to hurt him...
he bring me to dinner...bring me go walk with pooyee~
he treat me very well....he promise bring me go movie too...
he is so good for me....and damn suit me....
cause we got the almost same thinking and favourite...
i knew i can had better communication with him....
i even knew i had no future with my EX-bf...
but now i still dont wish to hurt my EX-bf also...
i really like the feel when be with cheewoon...
last time i thought if the age had big different will have communication problem...
but the fact is i can....i can communicate with him..
but...he will hate me...i knew he will hate me after he knew all the things...
i dont want to let him knew...
maybe he wont like me..
maybe he wont ask chase me...
maybe we will be good friendz in the future....
so, i want keep good image for him...
i am so selfish...

secret 3

tonite i cant even sleep~dont know why my brain keep recall the memory today...
i try to false myself to close my eyes and sleep~but fail...
nothing i can do so i start keep listen music...
he say got a song can make people sleep...
but the more i listen to it the more hard for me to sleep...
izit u lie to me??hehe^^
then i wake up and online start creating a new blog again...
i want to keep some secret for myself...
now i dont really post all my secret under public already...
how dare am i to speak out all my feeling...
i try to hide deep in my heart...
how special is he for me...
but as i knew more abt him,
i feel more scared about this feeling...
cause seems like i will not the 1 he need in the future...
i know so much that i wont be the 1 who he want and need...
every time listen to his thought for the future just like
an onion that can make me tears drop easily...
i dont want to hurt him...

secret 2

meet with him and pooyee on thursday nite...pooyee looks more energetic than last time maybe because she cut her hair already~dont know why i still can feel a gap between us for each time we meet face to face, i wonder this is whose problem now...i can knew he try to find topic to break the ice between us...luckily we got shinya and hui wen here, ofcos include pooyee~i wondering how will the meet past on without pooyee...i am not that type of person always keep quiet 1 but actually i am talkative person also, but why when i face him i start become blank blank and blur blur??hahaxx...dont know what to chat already~

yesterday night he suddenly call me...i really scared about this because i dont know what he wants to tell me everytime...luckily he just want to apologize for something..then we continue chit chat ING until midnite~how long time i didn't chit chat so detail about my past-time story with some1 since i less chat with chl or maybe can say no person will chit chat so many weird things with me..hahaxx

from the conversation, i knew many things about him and i told him many about me too...i realize that he is defenitely a good guy that i havnt seem before...as what i understand from him, he is a responsible and caring person, no matter family, friends or lover, he still as a good player for each character~~his background story let me felt like wanna protect this person (even i dont think blur blur like me can protect any1..hehe) and i also wish to lead some positive thinking for him too~~he tell me so many about him until i dont know why he could told me all the things since he say we are not that close actually....but i am glad to know more about him...

but the more i know from him the more i feel unsecure~i dont know why but maybe because of my own personal thinking that felt if 2person know each other more, then the probability to be best friend will be higher~~just like me and chl...i dont want this happen actually...and then, what will happen next??

secret 1

i heard his voice again...how i miss the sound...he is really straight person, made me dont know how to respond...everything came suddenly, i just feel nervous...i understand what he trying to tell me, and i am glad to know such a mature guy, not like the others just simply say love me but didnt show any right attitute in front of me. maybe we still not sure suit each other or not but as what he say we can try to know each other more 1st. i glad that he willing to do this for me. he say after he knew about the "things" he had been thought deeply about that...he even scared i just try to make a joke to him~~omg...but since we had communicate about the problem now we can open heart and go through the future. he really supprise me on his mature thinking that show me his seriousness about this relationship. i really unlike the people who can just say love u even in 1st meet. well, i felt that he is really enough mature for me...really wonder what will happen coming up~~good luck^^

tomato face^O^

yes~i think he know already...

but...

what will coming up next,

i really cant imagine...

maybe just wait and wait and wait...

feel warm...

i know i am tomato face now~ hehe^^

*river flows in you*

i love this music so much...
he love too...
now i start learning this song...
is quite easy but hard for me to learn...
need more practice...
he ask me when can i play this for him...
i had never answer him...
i want to practice good and expert in this song...
hope i will have chance to play the perfect song for u...
**river flows in you**
i waiting for u to flows in me...^^

how to let u know i miss u?

how to let u know i miss u?
how i know u really dont know or just pretend?
do u know i waiting for u?
do u know i missing u?
do u know how happy am i when i saw ur msg in msn?
do u know how up set when i cant saw ur available in msn?
do u know i really wish to meet u but fail?
i dont know why i miss u so much...
i am not sure about this feeling...
i really dont know how to let u know i miss u...
i really dont dare to tell u...
but u should know why i wrote this in english...
since i know u will read this...

missing~~

missing some thing from my heart...
what's that??
i am not sure...
but feeling blank blank inside...
oh my god~what happen with me...
where are u??
do u know i am missing u??
sob sob~~