Happy or not happy??

this week i almost everyday stay at chee woon house...
i dont know i am happy or not happy...
i hope to stay with him...
i wish i can have happy life with him...
but the more i stick with him, i find so many problems between us..

i know i have do too much for him...
it is not a good thing...
who will appreciate it?
i try to be a good girl 、a good girl friend for him...
but i finally know guys does not care and cherish for good girl...
they cant maintain the same like the beginning of the relationship...
i also hope i can change follow the time....

now i choose to be a bad girl rather become a nice lady....
i believe what he tell me,
"how others treat you depends on how you treat others"
so i treat him good and nice~
i think i will get the same which i give him...
keep distance with the boys, help him clean his things, inform him wherever i go...
finally......what i get is.....

i just look like a aunty who had no market at all~
not attractive~ not pretty~
somemore people dont want to hug me also....
everythings go a different way now~
i think i am wrong for doing this....
no people will appreciate~
just make myself cheaper and cheaper~
always giving help become my responsibility now....
my independent make nobody care now~

ok....
i am tired again and again~
that day when i see you cry i believe that i am so important in your heart...
but your action tell me what is my position is actually in your heart...
you never ask my safety when i tell you i am alone...
you never tell me before you hang out with friends...
even meet your ex-fiancee...you also only will tell after i ask...
if i dont ask? i cant imagine how many things you will not tell me if i don ask...
nice one!!!!good job~~~

this is what i suppose to get from you?
this is not how i treat you~but why you treat me like this?
i feel i am crazy when i tell myself i want to marry you...
i can see all the problems after marry...
he is not the one i hope to marry with now...
i wish to marry with the one that before the 500days....
oh my god~
oh i see~
i know what should i do now~~~~~~~

after 510 days we being together~
i realize that i should change now~
i promise myself~~
this is what he teach me...
"how people treat you, you treat the same way to them"